Here is one for my soap-box rantings folder.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There was never anything more true than that statement.
I was recently reading a book review and the reviewer said that the thing that turned her off to the book was when the main male character said that a girl was unattractive. However, later the guy was raised in her esteem again because he grew to respect her.
To me, that is utter hogwash; not what happened in the book, but the reviewer’s take on it. It makes me want to read the book, as I think the author must be a very balanced and level-headed individual. I actually haven’t read anything written by her, yet.
First of all, it is much different for a guy to respect you, than for him to find you attractive. He probably won’t want to marry you, just because he happens to respect you. Those are very different responses in a man. Basically, a guy can respect a girl, even like her as a person, and still think she is unattractive.
Honesty in a guy is always more attractive than baseless flattery. What I object to is the idea that a boy can’t think a girl is unattractive, and that if he should voice such an opinion then he is to be looked down upon by the female population. As a woman, I am offended by this response in those of my own gender. Boys should be taught that their opinions are valid. Their opinions should not be looked down upon, it is how they express those opinions that matters. Boys (or girls) should never insult or say hurtful things to a person that they view as unattractive. This is one of the oldest teachings on the planet.
We all know that boys fall in love by sight and girls fall in love by hearing, or at least we should know it. However, I have seen some guys fall in love with some really ugly girls and vice-versa. Why is that? I am sure they would be admired by some; however that would not take into consideration that these people do have an opinion, and they are expressing it. It is not as if they are sacrificing themselves to be with someone they find unattractive. Obviously, it is because they actually find the person attractive. So, it is a moot point.
One of the kindest things a man ever said to me was that I was too unattractive for him. He went on to become one of my best friends. He is the one person that I can count on for help in numerous situations; but not until after I got over the notion that our relationship might become a romance. Just because I thought he was very attractive didn’t make it mutual. Honesty from him, barely two weeks after we met, is what made the relationship into a great friendship. It was a kindness, because it saved me a lot of heartache later on had I been allowed to harbor secret hopes (its the not having a definitive answer that really kills); or from jealous feelings when I saw him with someone else. Because I actually believed him when he told me, “Not if you were the last woman on earth.” Instead of being offended with him, I showed him the respect of recognizing his right to have his own opinions; therefore it opened up the possibility for us to have a wonderful friendship.
Let’s face it, not everyone is attractive. Even more to the point – what you consider to be attractive, I might view as ugly. For example, I think Jack Nicholson is one of the ugliest people on earth; however some women find him attractive. Should I lie and say that he is attractive when I don’t really think so? What is the purpose of such dishonesty? It serves no purpose and can cause great heartache further down the road.
To think that girls suffer from lack of self-esteem and that is why guys should always say they are pretty, even when they aren’t, is a sexist idea. Guys suffer from vanity as well as girls. Let me tell you about two male friends of mine. To me they were both attractive the way they were. One had a jaw that was slightly to one side of his face, but not really noticeable. The other had a long nose. Both of them had surgery to “correct” their imperfections. At least in the case of the friend with the long nose, all the girls seemed to think the surgery was a vast improvement. To me however, they both looked uglier after the surgery, especially the one who corrected his jaw. Previously, he had a strong jaw; one that spoke of a strong man. Afterwards, he had a flabby weak jaw, that made him appear to be weak. I really wish they had not spent all of that money to look worse than before. Of course, it was their decisions and all; I am just giving my honest opinion.
Sure unattractive girls can suffer from lack of self-esteem; however they will probably not suffer from the false attentions of horny guys, or at least not as much. Pretty girls can be hurt by their beauty; so can handsome guys. They can never be sure if a person likes them for who they are, or for their looks. I think this can end up being a worse problem, with far more dangerous consequences than just some hurt feelings.
In regards to potential romance, give me honesty over false flattery every day of the week. Now, when it comes to your opinion of my cat; it is always a good idea to tell me she is cute, even if you don’t think so. 🙂
Oh yeah! About the above picture – wonder why the guy married her if he hated her. Maybe she was pretty, but not attractive.